After birthing 3 children, hubby suddenly found me unattractive, when I try to look good for him, especially at home when I were something to catch his eyes he fires “look at your slipper shaped breasts” or “I thought I told you to start watching that pot belly of yours?” These statements always make me feel terrible but as a good wife, I’ll smile it off always.
I never stopped making efforts, at a point I was consciously starving just to loose belly fat and when I did he told me “it had been better if you didn’t loose the belly fat, look how saggy your tummy is too” this got me, cried in the bathroom as usual after which I fried my eyes and continued living.
I made sure to use push ups bras, waist trainers and all that but when we are alone and all those stuffs are off, he finds a way of reminding me how shapeless I really was.
The depression kept building, for heaven’s sake, it was the birth of his kids that made me this way, would he have preferred a barren wife? Thoughts kept building, he began cheating on me obviously, I couldn’t complain as I feared he would remind me of my ugly shape at any point.
Being that I had no friends, it made it harder for me, after 15 years of marriage and 9 years of torment from my husband I decided to give up on my marriage.
I looked my best that particular Thursday afternoon as I entered into his office, “madam packaging, what brings you to my office, hope I am safe?” The truth is hubby always say this thing’s most times sounding very light but it eats me deep.
I forced a smile “good afternoon Paul, I need you to look at this papers and sign them” I said almost sure of what I wanted, “ahh ah is it a business proposal?” Paul said as he collected the papers, “I’ll look at it during break time later today and lest I forget, I’ll be coming home with Philip and Ahmed, do well to stay packaged and prepare a three cause dinner for us all, I’ll prefer that your special goat meat pepper soup for appetiser, I trust your judgement on the main dish and desert” he said, I smiled, stood up and left the office.
I hurried home, made his three cause meal, set the table, help the kids with their home work and ensured they brushed there teeth and bathed too.
At 7:45pm Paul came in to the house, “welcome honey, where are our guests? Dinner is served” I said as I went towards him to help with his suit case, he didn’t respond, he stormed into our and shut the door leaving me outside, I didn’t bother to knock, when he took too long I slept off in the living room.
Early the next morning, I prepared the kids and dropped them off, I returned home and Paul was still home, I went towards the door, I could here Paul crying and praying at the same time, “Lord forgive me, please help my wife to forgive me too” was all I heard from the door.
I cleaned up the house, I needed to have my freedom again, I loved Paul but I have been pushed so much to the wall, I feared my reactions that was why I opted for a divorce even though deep down it wasn’t what I wanted.
Paul finally came out of the bedroom, I was in the kitchen when he walked in “Matilda, can we talk?” I followed him to the living room, he talked and talked and talked, apologized severally but I only kept my gaze on him without saying a word, “please say something please, this silence is killing me, I promise not mention any of those things again, I won’t cheat again, please think about our kids” he added.
It seemed my heart had been hardened, every word he said didn’t seem to move me, “don’t tell me your mind is made up already?” He asked, I didn’t reply, I stood up, went to the bathroom to have my bath, I came out dressed he was still sitting in the living room, “when am I getting the signed papers” I said to him but he knelt and held my feet, I cared less, loosed myself from his grip and left the house, I wasn’t sure of where I was going but I knew I needed to think well.
After a week, I returned home, my kids came to hug me, “mum, where did you go to? You left without a good bye” they kept the questions up, I only smiled and told them it was well.
Hubby wasn’t sure of my reasons of returning, he followed me to the bedroom, “Paul Thompson, what happened to for better for worse? Would you have preferred a barren sexy wife? the only thing I wanted was for you to support me as I’ve always supported you, you think I love this body change? Was this how you married me? Wasn’t it the birth of your kids that turned me this way? but you on the other hand made me feel worthless, I lost my self confidence because of everything you said to me, how you even cheated without even hiding it, even when I found nudes of our neighbour on your phone, your apology was “it is in man’s nature to cheat, it isn’t as bad as it seem” where was that written in the scripture? Did you marry my body or my entire being?”
After moments of silence, I added finally, “I have forgiven you, let’s have a fresh start, I hope you don’t go back to your old ways “.
Paul kept thanking me, I had to consciously let go of the pain and I am whole again so is my home.
Women go through a lot during pregnancy, childbirth and all that, the worst part are the changes their body go through after child birth, the least you can do as a man is to let them know you appreciate their efforts, if you do not like how they look there are many ways to help her get back to shape this days or better still fall in love with her body change, she did it for you both, then at least be fair.
Women, there is a time to talk, let him know when you are not happy and the cause too, proper communication heals too, when you keep bottling it up it would birth bitterness.
Divorce is not as cool as it looks.
“Forgive and forget” this phrase is one of the greatest glue of every marriage.
God heal all ill homes in Jesus name. Amen.
Sophybless, November 8, 2019