I beg to take my leave

After birthing 3 children, hubby suddenly found me unattractive, when I try to look good for him, especially at home when I were something to catch his eyes he fires “look at your slipper shaped breasts” or “I thought I told you to start watching that pot belly of yours?” These statements always make me feel terrible but as a good wife, I’ll smile it off always.

I never stopped making efforts, at a point I was consciously starving just to loose belly fat and when I did he told me “it had been better if you didn’t loose the belly fat, look how saggy your tummy is too” this got me, cried in the bathroom as usual after which I fried my eyes and continued living.

I made sure to use push ups bras, waist trainers and all that but when we are alone and all those stuffs are off, he finds a way of reminding me how shapeless I really was.

The depression kept building, for heaven’s sake, it was the birth of his kids that made me this way, would he have preferred a barren wife? Thoughts kept building, he began cheating on me obviously, I couldn’t complain as I feared he would remind me of my ugly shape at any point.

Being that I had no friends, it made it harder for me, after 15 years of marriage and 9 years of torment from my husband I decided to give up on my marriage.

I looked my best that particular Thursday afternoon as I entered into his office, “madam packaging, what brings you to my office, hope I am safe?” The truth is hubby always say this thing’s most times sounding very light but it eats me deep.

I forced a smile “good afternoon Paul, I need you to look at this papers and sign them” I said almost sure of what I wanted, “ahh ah is it a business proposal?” Paul said as he collected the papers, “I’ll look at it during break time later today and lest I forget, I’ll be coming home with Philip and Ahmed, do well to stay packaged and prepare a three cause dinner for us all, I’ll prefer that your special goat meat pepper soup for appetiser, I trust your judgement on the main dish and desert” he said, I smiled, stood up and left the office.

I hurried home, made his three cause meal, set the table, help the kids with their home work and ensured they brushed there teeth and bathed too.

At 7:45pm Paul came in to the house, “welcome honey, where are our guests? Dinner is served” I said as I went towards him to help with his suit case, he didn’t respond, he stormed into our and shut the door leaving me outside, I didn’t bother to knock, when he took too long I slept off in the living room.

Early the next morning, I prepared the kids and dropped them off, I returned home and Paul was still home, I went towards the door, I could here Paul crying and praying at the same time, “Lord forgive me, please help my wife to forgive me too” was all I heard from the door.

I cleaned up the house, I needed to have my freedom again, I loved Paul but I have been pushed so much to the wall, I feared my reactions that was why I opted for a divorce even though deep down it wasn’t what I wanted.

Paul finally came out of the bedroom, I was in the kitchen when he walked in “Matilda, can we talk?” I followed him to the living room, he talked and talked and talked, apologized severally but I only kept my gaze on him without saying a word, “please say something please, this silence is killing me, I promise not mention any of those things again, I won’t cheat again, please think about our kids” he added.

It seemed my heart had been hardened, every word he said didn’t seem to move me, “don’t tell me your mind is made up already?” He asked, I didn’t reply, I stood up, went to the bathroom to have my bath, I came out dressed he was still sitting in the living room, “when am I getting the signed papers” I said to him but he knelt and held my feet, I cared less, loosed myself from his grip and left the house, I wasn’t sure of where I was going but I knew I needed to think well.

After a week, I returned home, my kids came to hug me, “mum, where did you go to? You left without a good bye” they kept the questions up, I only smiled and told them it was well.

Hubby wasn’t sure of my reasons of returning, he followed me to the bedroom, “Paul Thompson, what happened to for better for worse? Would you have preferred a barren sexy wife? the only thing I wanted was for you to support me as I’ve always supported you, you think I love this body change? Was this how you married me? Wasn’t it the birth of your kids that turned me this way? but you on the other hand made me feel worthless, I lost my self confidence because of everything you said to me, how you even cheated without even hiding it, even when I found nudes of our neighbour on your phone, your apology was “it is in man’s nature to cheat, it isn’t as bad as it seem” where was that written in the scripture? Did you marry my body or my entire being?”

After moments of silence, I added finally, “I have forgiven you, let’s have a fresh start, I hope you don’t go back to your old ways “.

Paul kept thanking me, I had to consciously let go of the pain and I am whole again so is my home.

The end

Lessons:
Women go through a lot during pregnancy, childbirth and all that, the worst part are the changes their body go through after child birth, the least you can do as a man is to let them know you appreciate their efforts, if you do not like how they look there are many ways to help her get back to shape this days or better still fall in love with her body change, she did it for you both, then at least be fair.

Women, there is a time to talk, let him know when you are not happy and the cause too, proper communication heals too, when you keep bottling it up it would birth bitterness.

Divorce is not as cool as it looks.

“Forgive and forget” this phrase is one of the greatest glue of every marriage.

God heal all ill homes in Jesus name. Amen.

Sophybless, November 8, 2019

Relationship talk: Submission

So there has been matters arising over time on whether or not a lady should submit to a man in a dating relationship.

Is submission designed for the married and not for the single? to further buttress on this matter, it would be important if we can get acquainted with some of the major terms that surrounds this theme.

What does it mean to submit?

To submit means to yield or give way to another.

The Greek word for submission is hupotasso, “to subordinate…put under…” God exhorts women to voluntarily follow their husband’s leadership ( Ephesians 5:22 , 1 Peter 3:1 ).

What is dating?

A form of romantic courtship typically between two individuals with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.

What is marriage?
To be joined to (someone) as spouse according to law or custom.

So after looking at the meaning of these terms, let’s answer the main question which is; Should a woman submit to a man in a dating relationship?

Marriage is a union between two people where the woman submits to the spiritual, physical, financial, emotional, sexual leadership of a man, in as much as marriage is a union between two people, the man remains the leader except when he temporarily delegates, don’t get me wrong, the woman has a say but she remains subject to what her head ‘husband’ says (there are exceptional cases here).

So if you are of a view that submission should cover dating, would you mean that a woman hands over every of her endeavors to a man whom she is still learning to know? I don’t think so. If you say a woman should totally submit in a dating relationship, what you simple mean is, as a man you are totally a head over her spiritual, physical, sexual , financial life which is totally not the case.

Dating is a period where you know whether the person you are seeing is worth making a spouse, you do not hand over your all at the feet of someone you are still getting to know, “is she worth loving?” “Is he worth submitting to?” are part of a questions that should be in the mind of daters.

Of course, there is a place for respect, there is a place for examination but hey! Total submission is a complete no in a dating relationship.

Take for instance, Some men simply aren’t spiritually or emotionally mature enough to lead you or make wise decisions in their handling of the relationship. Because of this reality, it would be foolish to trust their judgment blindly without first learning whether or not their judgment is morally guided or Christ-centered.

Granted, there is no man who will be perfect in that regard, but you should be sure to marry a man who will seek God in all areas of his life, including you and your future family. That is the kind of man you are wise in submitting to, but that is not information that you can know with certainty right away. For that reason, it is important that you guard your heart, especially at the beginning.

Now all of this is not to say that the man shouldn’t be a logistic, spiritual leader in a dating relationship. On the contrary, he should. BUT, the leadership must be exercised in ever-increasing stages. At first, the man should take the lead in the logistical parts of dating–initiating time together, expressing his intentions, and doing these things in a way that honors you.

She could decide to cook for you while dating doesn’t mean it’s a right, he could decide to tip you once in a while doesn’t make it a right, you both are learning whether he/she is worth it.

Whereas in marriage it is certainly the duty of a woman to help you in what ever way that is morally, spiritually right, thqt is why the Bible regers to a woman as “a help meet” in this case it is her duty to do so.

Again, it’s important to let your boyfriend take the lead at some point. Don’t follow him blindly, but if he has earned your trust then don’t fight his leadership–embrace it. For some women, this is more of a heart issue than a guy-specific issue. Many of us struggle with the concept of submission, simply because we want to be in control. There is, however, a healthy middle ground between blindly following and jaded guardedness.

Dating has many limitations and it isn’t safe to vouge for submission during dating. This doesn’t mean as a lady you go about bossing a man during courtship, disrespecting Him and all that, and do you know? Submission is earned not imposed.

In summary, there should be a place for observations, respect, trust, examinations and learning before submission cwn be served on a tray.

References:

https://sheworships.com/submission-in-dating/

https://carm.org/what-does-it-mean-wife-submit-to-her-husband

©️ Sophybless, November 5, 2019

ANNA

ANNA

“Although she spoke no word, I could here her cries
Although she smiled, her pains were visible to the eyes
Not on the negative though…”

Anna, a 14 years old girl hasn’t had it easy, she was born into quite an unfortunate side of life, misfortunes kept hitting her just as a wind sweeps away dried leaves.

Raped at age 3 by a neighbour, leaving her genitals wrecked with little or no hope to ever concieve.

And at age 5, she was ran down by a car whose driver never cared to stop, at this point she was supposed to die but she didn’t, she was rushed to a hospital, the doctor said to the mother “madam, there is nothing we can do, just pray” and as always, her mother fell on her face and cried for mercy upon her little girl’s life and she lived but with a scar as her left leg was amputated.

At 6, when Anna was trying to overcome lives challenges, she was diagnosed with HIV, yes! a wrong blood was transfused to her when she had an accident the previous year.

Anna strived, in pain, in stigma, in assault to stay strong, with the help of a praying mother and father, she fought tirelessly to gain acceptance.

At 10, Anna had great dreams, dreams of becoming an architect just like her father even in the midst of her challenges, she was firm and determined.

Anna is 14 now, although young, she has designed a plan that has gained her international recognition, with little knowledge she did this.

I, a journalist, sent to interview the young girl whose exploits have been trending couldn’t hide my tears when I sighted Anna, “what manner of girl is this?” was all I kept saying.

Anna rolled her wheel chair towards me, handed me a handkerchief, smiled and said, “bottle those tears in a smile ma’am, don’t feel sorry for me, if i had felt sorry for me, i wouldn’t have been here, my pain is what has given birth to this success and there are more to come, i will continually make lemonades from lemons as long as I keep breathing”

My God! I was totally blown away, i dried my eyes and embraced Anna to a tight hug.

Got the lessons?
What’s your excuse?

The end.

Sophybless, November 4, 2019

Something to crack you up

So I had been dating two ladies for a while, my friends had pressurised me to choose one and settle down.

After weighing Amaka and Trisha on a scale I decided to sack Amaka, Trisha was more beautiful physically although Amaka seemed to be cooler in terms of being fun and all that.

So it was the D day when I planned to break the news to Amaka, a Friday afternoon to be precise, I had closed from the office after noon, I didn’t tell Amaka I was coming but I was certain she would be at home.

1:15pm, I knocked on Amaka’s door, it took a while before she opened the door, “Ohhhh Derrick this is an amazing surprise” she said as she grabbed me to a tight hug, my eyes widen, my nose had been encapsulated , Amaka smelt like a delicious meal, Amaka was a foodie to the core, I couldn’t let go of her, she held my hands and made me sit in a chair, “lunch is almost ready, I am making beans pottage” she said, I personally hated beans pottage but from the aroma I perceived I couldn’t say no.

Amaka served this first class beans pottage with a lot of ‘orishirishi’ inside ranging from dried fish, stock fish, smoked fish, crayfish and all the fishes there are on earth, the taste of this beans reset my buttons, I had to ask for more, can you imagine I used to think beans was a bad meal till Amaka handled it.

After lunch, Amaka asked “baby what is is you said you want to talk about?” Chai! This question made me feel like a ‘mumu’, I smiled, looked and her and said “I only wanted to assure you that I will make you officially mine soon”, don’t look at me that way, who would miss such a great cook for a wife? I don’t know about other men oh but the way to my heart is through the stomach mbok.

Amaka packaged more beans for me in a cooler, I headed straight to Trisha’s house, she was eating one boring bread and tea, I broke up with Trisha that day, don’t ask me how, the summary of this my story is, I and Amaka are getting married in two weeks.

Who said your cooking skills doesn’t matter?

The end

That was fiction, just for fun

Sophybless, October 25, 2019

Too blind to see

Demola dated Betty for 18months and dumped her after he took her to bed, I remembered, he always bragged about hitting her no matter how hard she resists, at a point I almost thought he had fallen in love with Betty, I didn’t know he was only patient with her just to eat her cake and walk away.

“Men guys! That girl tight gan, she sweet like sugar, I told you I’ll get her nah” Demola said bragging as he showed us the videos he secretly took while screwing Betty, I couldn’t view that video, I quietly worked out of the room.

Betty was a first class student of History, she was so good, talented and skillful, guys feared to ask her out because of what she had upstairs, Demola managed to get her to say yes to him with his magic words, he made a bet to “sample her” with Paul and for over two years he followed her till his game played well.

He broke up with her immediately after the whole drama, he actually gave her a bad name, she was almost expelled if not for the intervention of one Dr. Philips who fought for her cause.

“Demola, I know say you don get wetin you want from Betty, shey you no go vex if I date her?” I asked demola, “vex for where? Shey you wan go chop your share? Make I give you gist, she fresh wella, Sha give us gist when you hit” Demola responded, I had to control myself from being violent with Demola, like what manner of guy is this? So blind to see what he had lost as a result of his lust.

Every word I said to Betty sounded like a lie to her “So since demola got me, you all want to come and have your rounds with me too right? I regret what happened between Demola and I and I am sorry to disappoint you, I am wiser now” Betty said as she walked out on me.

Demola was too blind I guess, Betty is the definition of complete, beauty and brains, yet someone saw non of this potential and only aimed at sleeping with her?

I knew exactly what I saw in Betty, she could, if given the opportunity transform any human from bad to good, I saw a mother in her, a friend, a wife and a lot more.

It took me 3 years before Betty finally gave me a chance, we got married and damn, she is everything a man needs, Demola is still out there with nothing to bank on, the last time I saw him, his words were “guy, if I had sense that year I wouldn’t have messed up this much, look at who Betty is now, look at how complete you are, see my life now, hmmm! Why was I so blind?”

Well I felt his pain but there was nothing that could be done, my mother always said “the strongest of men on Earth have either a mother or a good wife beside them, the luckiest have both, you don’t choose your mother but you choose your wife, choose wisely” her words kept me on track , I valued and still value all women and I guess that was the reason I was blessed with Betty.

The end

Hope you get the lessons?

Sophybless, October 25, 2019