ADDICTED TO MASTURBATION

Being that my dad was rich, we had many relatives who stayed with us back then, being the only child wasn’t so boring cos I had uncles, aunties, cousins and many other people around me.

My name is John, I am 16 years old and I am addicted to masturbation, here is my story.

From as young as age 3, I had this favourite uncle who stayed with us then, he really loved me and was closer to me than my parents.

Our house was a 6 bedroom duplex and as little as I was I had a room all to myself but I never liked staying alone, my beloved uncle offered to share my room with me and this made me happy.

No one would suspect anything being that we are both males, mum was busy, dad was busy and uncle was busy too, busy destroying my life.

Uncle did a lot of bad things with me and to me, from playing with my private part, telling me to play with his, playing porn videos for me, sleeping with his girlfriends in my presence.

Slowly these acts ruined me, when I clocked 9, uncle tried inserting his rod into my anus, the pain was terrible, something I can’t explain.

“Sorry” was the only thing he said after that incidence, this made me hate uncle and made me start keeping away from everyone. I hated the act already.

Daddy helped uncle secure an admission outside the country, it was good news for me as I won’t have to face his ugly face again.

Uncle left but the deed had been done, the harm had been made, this thing had already become a part of me, I was always locked in my room helping myself, trying to ease the urge.

At school I was always in the restroom easing my urge, I can’t stay 4 hours without having this strong urge, even at church, I’d sneak to an uncompleted room to help myself.

The phones daddy bought for me only helped in aggravating my condition, I downloaded all sorts or porn videos and gained gratification from them.

I finished my WAEC and NECO exams few months back, was a bright student but I was totally zero when it came to social life, I have no friends, I was just alone, I was hostile.

Few months back daddy had to slow down in work because of his health, this made him have time for me (like I needed it), he drew me close but I felt it was already too late.

No one knew about my addiction, I had managed to stay under cover for many years.

Masturbation and pornography isn’t what I enjoyed but I couldn’t stop it, I knew I needed help but I didn’t know how to go about it.

After thinking for weeks I have decided to go for counseling, therapy, deliverance and do whatsoever it takes to overcome this addiction.

I had finally opened up to daddy about my problem, he was lost for words, I saw my dad cry, he cried like a woman in travail but what had happened has happened, all I desire is help.

I told him about my plan of going for therapy and he promised to support me till the end, he apologized for never being there, did I tell you? mum has been abroad for about 6 years now.

I would be leaving for therapy tomorrow, I know I am better than my addictions, I am going to fight till I win.

I have forgiven uncle, daddy, mummy for their mistakes, I have forgiven myself too and it is now time to heal.

THE END

#That_was_fiction but lessons can be drawn
Our male children shouldn’t be left out of sex education and proper precautionary measures because they abuse them too.
– Because they are of the same sex doesn’t mean our babies are safe with them.
– No matter how busy we are we should create time for our kids.
– Don’t be in a hurry to judge an addict, you don’t know the mystery behind that addiction
– Parents be parents, don’t delegate your responsibility
There is hope for the lost, first you must accept you have a problem before help comes.
I hope this inspires you.
Feel free to share

©️ Sophybless

ROSES WITH THORNS

Gloria is my name, all my life I thought marriage was a bed of roses, I thought that the moment a man walks me down the isle and puts a ring on my finger all my life’s problems would be solved.

Growing up they made us believe that you only become responsible when you finally settle down in marriage.
It was 5 years ago I said “I do” to the love of my life, the wedding was made in heaven, it was simply perfect.

Hubby had a job with one of the biggest firms in town, he was good looking, not so caring but I was convinced he loved me.

My bed of roses lasted for just two weeks, yes you heard me right, I can’t place a finger on the wrong I did to ignite this hatred in hubby’s heart for me.

He never laid a finger on me but he verbally abused me, sometimes I wished he could just beat me up rather than say those nasty and cruel words to me.

I married as a school drop out, I didn’t have much doing before I met hubby but since he was rich and ready to take care of me, I surrendered all my childhood aspirations of becoming a nurse at the feet of my hubby, “what do I need a job or an education for when I have a money bag?”

Hubby had promised to open up a boutique for me when we got married, this made me so relaxed, too bad it took just two weeks in marriage to realize that I had made a grave mistake.

Apart from always reminding me of how worthless I was without him, he always made sure I never slept with dried eyes.

On the 16th of June, I got a call from the hospital, they said hubby was involved in a ghastly motor accident and his both legs had to be amputated, he lost his job, we’ve exhausted all his savings on his treatment as he also suffered Stroke.

I have no one, no job, nothing to fall back to, I can’t leave either, where do I go with my four kids? Yes four, I had a baby 10 months after our wedding and triplet barely a month before hubby’s accident.

No family, no friend, I mean no one is willing to help, I am as good as useless, my abusive hubby is now a cute vegetable, no money, no job, I mean we had nothing at all.

Here before me is a bottle of a very dangerous poison, I’m still thinking whether to gulp it and die or feed it to the entire family so they can at least rest in peace…

The end…

That_was_fiction but lessons can be drawn
– Women! Marriage is not an end but a means to an end.
– Marriage shouldn’t end your dreams but birth greater dreams.
– Education is important, having a job or a business is too.
– Men! use your words to build a woman, do not abuse her in anyway, she may forget that punch but will never forget those words.
– It doesn’t matter how much you earn in that organisation, a little investment here and here wouldn’t hurt
– Marriage is a bed of roses only when the two souls are willing to make it so, it takes two to tango, remember also that even the prettiest rose has thorns in it’s stem.
I can go on and on but I’ll draw my curtain here.

Selah!
Sophybless, September 26, 2019

Murderer

Lots and lots of murderers on the street
without a ‘wanted’ tag
freely tossing round and round
not even with an inch of guilt

With shoulders up high
piercing and piercing lives
with a weapon worst than a dagger
they hurt, they kill, they destroy

With the cops catching them in the very act but under estimating their havoc and letting it slip by
Discharged and acquited even when charged to court
Yet just a second after the court saga
they murder yet another and another again

They do not use any diabolic means to kill
they do not use any physical hardcore weapon to kill
they use the ‘tongue’
ladies and gentlemen, meet the gossips, backbiters and slanderers
the murderers of the first order
do not be a part of them.

Sophybless, September 23, 2019

Beautiful Fright 2

Aaron never had a smooth sail in getting Natasha to like him, she always fired back at every move he made, every word he said and all.

He at a point lost hope in getting Natasha on his good book,

(Wuse 2, Abuja)

Freddie: (singing and dancing to “Able God” by Chinko) o boy! I don dey bad for my dance steps oh (In Nigerian pidgin English), where Aaron dey na, make him come see him guy progress.

Freddie was having a swell time alone in his apartment, the one he shares with Aaron his friend, they rented the house some months back, as he kept dancing, Aaron walked into the living room without his knowledge.

Aaron: my guy, my guy, you are making me proud oh, I now regret laughing at you when you said you wanted to join a dance crew, I’m quite impressed with your moves oh, you are going to make it in life sha

(Aaron crashes on the cream coloured couch, smiling at his friend Freddie)

Freddie: ogbeni, if you wan curse me tell me ‘waka’, this your compliment come resemble insult oh, this your smile no just follow for promo.

The two best friends kept their discussions up as usual, shouting and arguing about one thing or the other.

Freddie: that reminds me, I made beans pottage, it’s in the kitchen oh

Aaron: beans pottage or poison? I remembered how your last meal almost led me to the grave.

Freddie: that is obviously an insult oh, you have decided to insult me at all cost today oh, anyways I forgive you, I will eat alone and die alone.

Aaron laughed at his friend again before he went to the kitchen to help himself with what he termed “the suicide beans”

******

Natasha lived a very strange and lonely life, nobody knew her friends, talk more of her family, kids in her neighbourhood where scared of her.

Men on the other hand never stopped flocking around her, they showered her with gifts, money and all thinkable goodies.

Natasha had a habit of talking to herself through the mirror, it wouldn’t have been a strange thing but what she always spake to herself on the mirror always sounded grim.

(Natasha to her mirror)

“Wasted spirit, wasted soul, wasted body, I cry in laughter and laugh in tears, vengeance has been given to me yet I can’t take it, hahahahahaha but I must take it, I will take in, cos in vengeance I will find eternal rest”

Natasha bursted into a horrifying laugh, she walked into her bathroom, there was a list on the wall, it contained names of different men, some of the names had a red mark on them.

“Number 10, number 10” she said, the name written on number 10 was Aaron, “it’s your time Aaron, hahauhahahah, let’s play” she said, stormed out of her bathroom and went straight to bed….

To be continued.

Sophybless, September 22, 2019

Miles and miles again

I took a harmless step but here am I on a high way to destruction
It was just an innocent smile that led to this massive blow
Knowing the truth yet acting a lie
Buried in guilt and sealed with a concrete of fear
Thinking thoughts of rejections
Wishing for a reversal to this fruitless journey
It began with a harmless step but has grown into miles and miles again.

Sophybless, September 19, 2019

Life pricks

For one reason I woke up as early as 2:00am, for another reason I woke up with guilt.

For a reason I had lost my sleep, for some other reason I had a heavy heart.

Truth is life hasn’t been all “Glory, victory, wins” I have tasted a good share of “story, misery, kicks”

In as much as I try to fight the guilt, needless of the fact that I try to convince me “it isn’t your fault”

I return to fault myself with no control…

“Control” have I ever really been in control? Right now I don’t feel like I am in charge anymore, I seem to be more like a discharge that soon would be washed away.

“Obedience is better than sacrifice” I keep hearing deep from my heart, it’s suddenly beating as noisome as an emergency siren.

Had developed a skill for blaming life but tonight life has turned around to blame me, “you killing you” life mentioned sternly “you blaming me” life said firmly.

“Obedience is better than sacrifice, but you put sacrifice before obedience” life fired, “you go no where this way” life bullied.

I wish I could hide from life but that’s only possible in death and since I ain’t guaranteed a return if I hide I have to do what would make life love me.

“Letting go of sacrifice, holding on to obedience” I ministered to me, this I must do, till life sits me in it’s peak, offer me a right handshake and walk me to a place of fulfilment not of self but of obedience.

Sophybless, September 18, 2019

Photo credit : https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.loverofsadness.net/show_picture.php%3Ftag%3Dsorrow&sa=U&ved=0ahUKEwjUveeio9nkAhWxoFwKHdnEDKkQ5BMICDAA&usg=AOvVaw3B_V5JgX9GiNtrKojNE4Eg

LOVE’S CLUNG 29

“Deji can we take a walk?” She said, “sure we can” I replied.
“He broke your heart?” I asked “not really” she replied, “he abused you?” I went on, “hell no! Phil was a gentleman Biko” she answered defensively.

“Free yourself, let me tell you what happened, Phil and I had a very smooth relationship, in a serious note he was the best I had, we were so much in love with each other, he proposed during my service year, after my POP he and his family came for introduction, our wedding date was fixed already, I remember how he always said getting married to me would bring about his completion, his family loved me like their very own” the she paused.

“Wow” I said, “I never knew you guys went that far, so what happened after then?” I asked curiously.

“What happened! What happened, well Phil left me, that’s what happened” Pamela said forcing a smile.

“He left you? After your wedding date had already been fixed? Why did he do that?” I asked angrily.

“It wasn’t his fault, it was never his fault” she said, “whose fault was it then? You stopped loving him? Did you cheat? What happened?” I kept my questions coming like a flood.

“None of those Deji, Philip died in a car accident on his way to kaduna, he died Deji, he died, he just died, leaving me behind, it was just a week to our wedding when he was snatched by death” she said breaking down in tears.

“OMG! Pamela I am so sorry, I never knew” I said as I held her to a tight hug, I didn’t notice when I also started crying.

I know I wanted Pamela to be mine but I never wished for such tragedy, “sorry about your loss dear” I added “let me take you home already” I said as it was already dark “no Deji, I am fine, I really am” she said drying her tears.

To be continued…

Sophybless, September 14, 2019

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THE WOMAN

I am Female, not a criminal
Yet at my birth
I am sentenced to life inprisonment Purnished for speaking up
Slaughtered for every word said on my defense

I am Female, not a mistake
Yet vulnerability eats me up
Am I not human too?
Yet where error is mentioned,
I am mentioned
Haunted by an aura, an aura of doom

I am Female, a modern slave
Labour! Labour!! Labour!!!
Is all that echoes in my subconscious
They rip me off rest and chain me to a bed of torment

I am Female, a sexual gadget
In violence my garment is thorn
Forcing a weapon of mass destruction into my privacy
“A problem shared is half solved” they say
Yet I am ridiculed for speaking up

I am Female, a mute entity
My words sounds like emptiness
My actions looks like comedy
As I am adorned with a garment of reproach

I am Female
Suffering yet smiling
Broken yet strong
Wounded yet breathing

I am Female
Even as I am choked
Not to speak
Yet in my silence
I scream “freedom”

Sophybless, September 12, 2019

Depart- poetry

Depart from me,
ye worker of love
What meanest thou?

Lay not your eggs in my basket,
Than hatch, they’ll get rotten
Flee like the speed of light
Decrease till you vanish

I am not a maiden
Dressed in a ‘ready’ gown
Wolf clothed in wool

That’s the class you belong
Shoot your shot
And keep failing
I beg to take my leave

Sophybless, 3rd August, 2019

Unconscious- a story on rape

His finger on my tighs woke me up
“Uncle Bode, what is it” I said, “shhhh! Be calm, I want show you what it means to be in heaven while on Earth” as I tried to scream and call for attention, I felt a heavy hit on my head which made me unconscious.

I woke up the following feeling a sharp pain in my abdomen, I knew something was wrong but couldn’t place my finger on it, I was wearing a different cloth from what I was initially wearing the previous night.

I stood to go ease myself, I felt so light headed, I almost fell if not that I supported myself on a pillar quicky.
I saw a black leather beside my bed, I opened it and found my clothes, the one I was on the previous night, all soaked in blood.

“Rape” was all I could think off, I was just 10 years old, I managed to prepare for school, on the assembly ground I felt this very sharp pain in my abdomen, the next thing I saw was myself on an hospital bed.

“Based on the tests we’ve carried on her, I am afraid to inform you that the young lady has been raped” the doctor said to miss Janet my form teacher.

***

“How could uncle Bode do this to me?” I thought in tears, he is my mother’s younger brother, I hated him instantly.

My mum begged me and miss Janet not to press charges since it was her brother, how could she?

Miss Janet and I reported him, he was arrested, mum sent me out of her house, for heaven’s I still doubt if she really birthed me.

My school’s head teacher took me in and treated me like her own, the trauma hits me ones in a while but I am happy that I am in a better place.

The end

Never have it easy on rapists, sue them no matter who they are to you, some of the victims never get to recover from the attack.

Sophybless, August 3, 2019